Dear Lady Patricia,
Summits wrong with my old car. She's a marbled green flighter that I've had for a lifetime, or at least a hundred years, and she Mentmore to me than all the classic de-luxes and custom models in Lambroudom. She suddenly dried up on me (piston failure) which made me very Cross, so I had to Parker by the Wahl (de la Rue) and lever. I was told that I would have to Carter away, and someone suggested that eye-dropper in the water. -Man what O mass. I was Swandering if there's a Shaeffer way of dumping her. Perhaps I should take the wheels off and Burnham? I can't th'ink of a better solution. Mabie you can help?
Yours pensively

Dear Jonathan,
Sorry about your old Meisterstuck. Now, Lamy think. Mabie Todd can help. if not the Pelican. He has a lucky curve touch down which should do the trick and with a couple of piston filler oversize Dorics, a little gold seal and a Vermeil Fougere up its snorkel, your Meisterstuck should soon be back on the road and going like a Brushed steel Falcon. But remember, Parker well and leverless on the cracked ice, or you may need a Waterman to pull her out from among the blue ripples and the Swans. Mordan that I cannot help.
Lady Pat.
P.S. Your Meisterstuck can endura lot, but feed it well and keep its vent hole clear.

Dear Jonathan
Who in the name of Hemmingway does Lady Patricia think she is? Is she that same forest-green broad barreled model with the chased floral pattern on her mottled section? Just the thought of her makes my ball-ended clip ripple with frustration.
I don't want to sound like an Akkerman, but the last time I overlayed Lady Pat, I had some trouble with the rubber sac of my button-filler. It wasn't an Ideal situation, because I couldn't televisor from her blind cap. I think my problem stemmed from my celluloid breather tube which prevented me from making a touchdown. Just in tine she noticed my deformity. Oh-notos she shrieked hysterically as she pulled her gold plated Jewel from my eversharp plunger. This is no Stylomine she complained as if I'd Dunn her wrong.
In the end, her nibs left me for a sailor. Or was it a Pilot?
Yours penitently and desperately in need of consolation.

Dear Katab,
You have troubles!! Go climb Mont Blanc or play with your dinkies. Its not my fault you're a penniless pensioner. I have little sympathy for a yellow Mandarin whose Meister's button filler is stuck in Monta Rosa's screw cap. Get real and go for a black baby safety. Get yourself a rare red hard-rubber slimfold and operate your holy water sprinkler on someone else's patch. Steer clear of brassed gold-plated Mark II consorts, and get some balance in your lifetime. Otherwise I'll get a big black Blackbird to crack your barrel.

Any additions to this correspondence will be welcomed.